Montreal, Canada

Early morning

Just before 8 in the morning and everyone was already up and joking around. Lesley was the last to wake, and when she did, she was wearing two outfits at once.

"I was cold." she shrugged.

As the girls made pretty - playing sento in the bathroom, Cheese went out to talk to his girlfriend. He was out there for a while, so I peeked out the peep hole to make sure he was ok. This just goes to prove my theory that Taiwanese people are so far removed from the Motherland that they can't even do the Chinaman squat properly.

Leaning against the wall and his elbow position is all fucked up. Poor, poor form.

Ted, Chiu and I finished off some leftovers from last night's shopping in downtown Montreal. Baguette, goat cheese, strawberry pie and some wine that tasted like the nectar of the gods the night before, but now tasted like the piss of the gods.

We messed around in the parking lot for a bit, while Chiu was looking at the map, trying to figure out how to get to out of Longueil and into Montreal. We eventually got there.

Last night, Lesely found us another hotel in downtown Montreal, so we said goodbye to all sleeping in one room, like a roving band of dirty gypsies. When everyone was all packed up and ready to go, we decided to hit Chinatown for some dim sum. Admittedly, I was curious to see the Quebecois take on the wonton.

The meal was pretty good. Cheese, Chiu and I did most of the ordering at dim sum. We taught the foreign devils how to pour tea and the basic ettiquette of having breakfast with Chinese people. They caught on pretty quickly and even picked up a few words of Cantonese.

One of the waiters took to our table and began joking around with us. I tried to get out of paying the bill by offering to leave Lesley and Ted behind to wash dishes, but he didn't bite.

Notre Dame

After eating, we went to Notre Dame, the water front and spent some time walking through old Montreal.

I particularly enjoy this photo of Chiu, being asked to take the picture of some random family. He must have been asked three or four times here alone, all because he is Asian and fits some sort of tourist/photo fanatic stereotype. I wanted to go up and ask him to take my photo as well, but that probably would have ended with me fishing my camera out of the fountain.

The waterfront

Throughout the course of the day, Lesley kept asking to go to some hippie bongo fest, which Chiu was actively trying to avoid, but being that he didn't know Lesley that well yet, couldn't tell her to shut the fuck up about. So each time she brought it up, he would mumble and turn away. I laughed when Lesley told me this.

We stopped at a set of stairs to look at the map.

Old Montreal and non-existent hippies

We eventually caved into Lesley's repeated requests that we see the hippies. And after trekking up a fucking mountian, what did we find? Some fairy-ass jerks dressed up in cardboard medival gear. Now, if there is one thing worse than hippies with bongos, it's this.

I've said it once and I'll say it again: Never trust a vegan.

You can't tell from the picture, but we were all plotting to send Lesley hurtling down the mountain, head first.

Because we had walked all the way to the top in the blinding heat, we decided to walk around a bit and take in some of the park. It was, after all, a lot of hard work and we didn't want it to go to waste.

There wasn't really that much to see, with the exception of some pretty nice houses. So down the mountain we went.

Montreal Jazz

Come dinner time, we found ourselves at a restaurant called Modavie (a recommendation from one of Emiko's friends). Great food, great live jazz and the waitress blew me a kiss. Score!

Not quite the smokey jazz club I had hoped for, but it was a nice place nonetheless.

The dinner

What's that you say? "No night is complete without seeing a picture of a Lesley using her cloth napkin to fold a penis at the table"? No problem, that's why we brought her.

Shame

Perhaps they thought we were still at the Bar B Barn. That's the only explanation I have for the fact that Chiu and Emiko decided to arm wrestle at the table. That or they both suffered a major stroke while I was taking a piss.

Can't I take you fucking rubes anywhere without arm wrestling?

You know, some people want justice for all. Others want world peace. All I want is one dinner, just ONE, that doesn't involve my friends partaking in feats of strength at the table.

And to make matters worse, Chiu actually lost. Classy.

Rub 'n cut

Just before going to the casino, Ted went into this shady Chinese rub 'n tug for a haircut and lord knows what else. Dirty bastard.

The casino

The casino was interesting. Chiu won big and one of us who has no self-control nor common sense, lost big - I'll let you guess to whom I am referring. I spent the time standing near the railing, looking at people as they passed beneath me on the escalator.

I noticed that the higher floors had higher table minimums and higer railings. I suppose that's a smart thing, as when you lose big at the high-roller tables, that marble floor 5 storeys down starts looking pretty good.

Later...

Chiu was all tired out from his big night and made the mistake of falling asleep first. Too bad this is a family website and I can't post the pics of what we did to him. Muahaha.