October 15th, 2001. Brian in Shinjuku, after orientation.

This was our first day of actually having to go to work at Nova. Orientation was at the head office in Shinjuku. Shinjuku is one of the liveliest parts of Tokyo, even larger and more vibrant that Shibuya. The crowd there is a bit older and the streets are even more confusing. Shinjuku is home to the red light district of Tokyo, called Kabuki-Cho. A few of us headed there for a bit of exploring after we were released from the painfully long orientation presentation.

Kabuki-Cho was something of an adventure. We passed by the Love Hotel district and saw a bunch of transvestite hookers hanging out in front of them. Someone told me that Love Hotels were an accepted part of Japanese life, and that you go to them with your boy/girlfriend or spouse, not with prostitutes. Obviously, someone forgot to tell these glammed-up men in fishnet stockings.

Here we are in Virgin Records, taking advantage of the free computer terminals they have on the upper floor. The idea is that you come here to browse the records, buy a drink and perhaps check some email. We did nothing but the latter. When you are poor and in a foreign land, you take what you can get. Well, I did buy a cuppa chai, and it tasted horrible. That's what I get for playing by the rules.

They have a whole fleet of iMacs, which I found to be incredibly difficult to use. All the shortcut keys I am accustomed to on PCs are useless on those little plastic machines.

This is a picture of Charlotte and me. Charlotte's from Toronto as well, but teaches on the other side of Tokyo.

This is Will. He is from the States and has, in his 20-something years, already written two novels (both have been published) and an article for the New Yorker. Apparently, the New Yorker pays by the word when you write for them.

I'm not sure where this boy teaches, but I know he lives way up in the middle of nowhere. That might sound a little unappealing, but he pays a third of what I do for rent.

I have a question for him. What the hell are you doing at Nova?

Will and Charlotte. I always want to say Will and Scarlett. (Robin Hood reference?)

Ah, here is the toilet shot I promised. Charlotte went to the washroom and came back telling us how cool the toilets were here. Finally, this was my chance. I rushed off to the washroom, even though I didn't have to go, just to check it out.

Wow, three buttons and a little dial on the side. And a display screen! This thing is more advanced than some laptops I have seen. I can't read the writing, but it is pretty evident what each button is used for. The blue and pink buttons are for washing your bum, though I don't know what the difference is between them is. The pictures don't do such a good job of explaining the difference. The pink one has a picture of a woman on it, so I am guessing that you will get a little more than your bum washed if you hit that button.

The dial is for the water pressure, I think. The display screen and the orange button, your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps it puts your visit to the toilet on a TV somewhere...like that episode of the Simpsons when they visit Japan.

I was really tempted to press the blue button, but was afraid that the water would spray up onto my clothes or that some family sitting at home would see me peering into the bowl.

Look at that. You don't see stuff like this back home. The thing has a control panel for crying out loud. It looks more like something Captain Kirk would use on the bridge of the Enterprise than a vehicle for human waste.

Though, if the Federation had this sort of toilet technology, it wouldn't have been much of a show. The majority of the scenes would take place in the men's room and they wouldn't have been at war with the Klingons. See, you never want to mess with a civilization that has more advanced toilets than you, because if they can afford to waste so much time developing something as useless as this, they must already have a kick-ass military.