I love Superman.
People seem to hate him though. Why is it that in all pictures he's either bursting out of chains or speeding away from exploding buildings? You'd think that being the benevolent guy that he is, there'd be some shots of him receiving flowers or having a drink with the guys or something.
I was just thinking Superman is actually quite isolated. When you can bench press the city of Montreal, there aren't too many people who'd want to shake your hand. And though his super powers are cool, they are kind of a double-edged sword. These are just some of the everyday things he'll never say or hear:
- Stronger than a locomotive: Aw crap. I hate these damn Chinese finger traps.
- Faster than a speeding bullet: Last one in the pool's a rotten egg!
- Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound: $5 sez you can't touch that scaffolding.
- Heat vision: Oh man, everyone's gonna be here in 30 minutes and this turkey's still frozen!
- Ice breath: I'd like a bottle of Viagra, please.
- Super hearing: Uh no, no. I said your mother's a goddamn s'more...cuz she's so sweet.
The X-ray vision, there's no down side to that..so long as you stay away from Richard Simmons. Outside of the obvious benefits of peeking through walls to see if there's anyone hiding around the corner waiting to scare the shit out of you, you'd clean up at poker.
Superman: I raise you $50.
Unsuspecting Lex: Yeah? Well, I see your 50 and raise you another 50.
Superman: I call.
Me: Uh, you do know he has x-ray vision, right?
Unsuspecting Lex: Uh...so he knows I shave more than just my head?
Me: I think this game is over.
Wow, that was lame. Sorry. Goodnight.